Savvy Commentary #2: Paradise in Flames, Chapter 1

Before writing Paradise in Flames, I had written and closeted a YA fantasy novel four years before. So, it's no surprise that chapter one started out a little rusty. The plot points in it were pretty spot-on for a first attempt, if I may say so myself. I introduced Lily as a sheltered Catholic girl who was having her first experience with public education. Then, I introduced her eventual love interest and rival, Blake.

Unfortunately, the prose was way too florid and that was something I personally took issue with. But upon taking this chapter to my critique group, they also found that my story started in the wrong place and that Lily's character was somehow too sweet, bubbly and cutesy.

I took the suggestion to move the starting place of the chapter. Originally, it started with Lily getting a pep talk from her mother before being dropped off at school. She witnessed Blake in a fight in the school quad and immediately internalized a gut hatred for him. Then Lily met up with her best friend, Sandy before going to her classes and finally meeting Blake in person. The new chapter just begins with Lily going to the drama class that she had been eagerly waiting to attend during the whole summer, along with some internal thoughts about her new experiences at a public school.

 By the way, yes, I confirm that this part of the story is set in 2003. Why, you ask? (As one of my fellow critique group members also asked.) Because I'm familiar with the high school culture of 2003, so I can make it a far more authentic read. Because this novel was a way for me live out an exciting, but abusive and toxic relationship one last time before becoming a big girl and having the guts to stay in my current healthy, loving relationship. (Don't ask. A lot of emotionally abused people go through this.) Because if Stranger Things can make the '80s make a comeback, then why can't I do the same for the early '00s?

Characterizing Lily at this point was so much fun. Everything from her soft fashion choices to her mild demeanor to her burgeoning piety were characteristics that I dreamed of having when I was a teenager. A lot of those characterizations were based in purity culture, which I was deeply immersed in when I was 13 or 14. Later on, I'd find out how problematic it all was.

 

But, because Lily is essentially an avatar that has lived out some of my personal experiences, I wanted to make her a good person all-around. I wanted her to be a kind, understanding and empathetic girl who was unfortunately indoctrinated by religion. In fact, Lily isn't just the best version of myself that I formerly envisioned. She is based on a real person that I wish I could've been sweet enough to emulate: my high school Bible teacher, Mrs. Moore. Mrs. Moore was an incredibly kind, humble, ultra-feminine, soft-hearted person who served God with fervor. A lot of my classmates and even my band teacher hated her because she was so sweet. But of course, bastards will be bastards. And bastards hate God's light.

 

That's where my bastard, Blake, comes in. In order for Blake to be a difficult rival, a challenge to Lily's spiritual growth and a deliciously tempting forbidden crush, he had to be absolutely anathema to Lily somehow. Sure, a real angel would be unconditionally understanding and loving. Angels are better than we are and they have knowledge beyond what we have. But, because of Lily's obstacle of humanity (and SPOILER ALERT: because of her innocence in regard to the human experience), she easily fell prey to her family's religious indoctrination. Said indoctrination was so impactful that Lily internalized it at a level that even her father had trouble internalizing it. (As you will learn in later chapters, of course.) So, Lily is at odds with herself whenever Blake comes around. Her spiritual compass directs her to be kind and compassionate, but her  rigid indoctrination directs her to be punitive and judgemental. As a result, she has to put in some real elbow grease to learn to love (agape love, not eros love) Blake as another one of God's children. (And let's be honest, we all hate that one person who stunts our spiritual flow by being an inconsiderate dick.)

 

As I said before, Lily has the good fortune to have at least one companion from her former Catholic middle school at Grapeland High. Her best friend, Sandy Olson, is based on one of my friends, Betsy. She's fashion-forward, outgoing and while she wants to be a good Christian, she just wants to live her best life and to say "Oh my God" without wondering whether it's such a big deal to break one of the Ten Commandments.

 

Originally, I included two other friends in first chapter: another best friend named Esperanza and a church camp friend named Kelly. Unfortunately, they proved to be passive, do-nothing characters, so I cut them out. Sandy, on the other hand, had a more vivacious personality and she also proved to be an actual challenge to Lily's growth. Not only did she open her up to experiencing life on a more human level, but she even stepped in as a spiritual counselor when Lily failed to live by her values in the second arc.

 

Speaking of arcs, this chapter starts under the first arc called "The Book of Incipiens". (Incipiens is essentially the Latin word for Genesis.)  I'm sure my readers will have a field day trying to figure out what that all means. Why are my story arcs labeled as "Book of...", you ask? Because SPOILER ALERT, the entire novel ends up being an apocryphal scripture written by a Roman scholar in purgatory. SPOILER ALERT END. And since certain story arcs in the Bible are called "books", that where the "books" of Paradise in Flames get their origin.

 

It's also important to mention that before I wrote this chapter, I actually wrote a prologue. But, as I was immersing myself into writing advice articles, I was beginning to learn that prologues are becoming outdated. On top of that, I needed to cut down my fat 160,000-word baby, so I trimmed off that extra weight and just started with Blake's and Lily's story instead. It's unfortunate that I had to get rid of the prologue, because it was a beautiful, effortless piece of prose. However, I just decided to recycle my favorite decription of Celestina by moving it to chapter 20 and I let the events in the prologue play out in flashbacks instead.

 

Although there are obviously aspects of the first chapter that I need to workshop (I've had 40+ rejections, y'all), I feel like this is a pretty solid start for Blake and Lily. Blake is at least introduced as a brash and troubled character who unfortunately has some seductive qualities (as any demon would, I suppose) and Lily begins to understand how the world outside of her safe bubble works. She begins to understand that some kids out there aren't as protected and loved as she is. She begins to understand that the world has an invasive relationship with her body. She begins to understand that schoolyard rules that were enforced by the nuns at Saint Cecelia's are not the norm in the world at large. It's a painful realization for my poor, Italian, curly-headed cinnamon bun. But just as God's second human daughter Eve discovered, life begins outside of Paradise.

 

 Well, that's all you get for now, readers. I get a feeling in me bones that I'll publish Paradise in Flames soon. (Whether it's through traditional means or self-publishing.) So, I can't give away too much. But if you did like what you read here and you want to read more, consider subscribing to my blog for now. Don't forget to follow me on all my socials, too.